A Pimp and His Whore

As part of ruining my potential to excel and succeed in a career, my Master is forcing me to become a domestic servant. One task I need to work on is learning how to cook. On Wednesday I must cook Him a full meal from scratch and sit at His feet while He eats it. The biggest problem is- I also have to buy all the groceries. To many, this wouldn’t seem like an issue- but as part of my complete and abject degradation, I’ve beed forced into a life of financial slavery. My money is turned over to Him and He has control over what happens to it. I’m not consulted regarding the finances (who would ask a dumb bitch her opinion?) nor do I have any say whatsoever in how the money is used. Since it was clear in this situation that I would not be able to afford to buy the groceries myself, I asked Him what He would have me do to get the money. He just looked down at me and laughed.

Fast forward to tonight. Days have passed and I still haven’t managed to make any money. I’ve become desperate because I know I’ll get the shit kicked out of me if I don’t have enough for the groceries. Ideas would run through my head, but it’s hard to come up with something that will please a Man that thinks you are a worthless piece of trash. I spent the day out running errands and worrying how I was going to come up with the cash. By early evening, I finished the errands, and my male friend who had been kind enough to give me a ride home dropped me off at my door.

I walked in the front door and got cold clocked. “What the FUCK were you doing out with another man?” My Master screams in my face, standing above me. “I… I’m sorry, Sir.” Overwhelmed by the shock, I have to struggle to keep myself from blubbering, “I was just trying to get things done and didn’t have money for gas.” He shakes His head and begins to throw some of my stuff at me and push me back out the door. “Get the fuck out of here, you sack of shit. You’re worth less than nothing and I’m sick of listening to your fat, useless mouth.”

I can no longer hold back the tears. “Please, Sir. Please. I beg You, I’ll do anything. I swear I can be good for something.”

“Can you, you stupid fucking bitch? I doubt it.”

“No, Sir. Please just give me a chance, I’ll do anything You want.”

“Hrmphh,” He grumbles, “well I guess I could use someone to hold my cock while I piss. Do you think you can manage that simple task, you idiotic twat?”

“Yes!! Yes!” I leap forward, stumbling over myself, racing to the bathroom to assist Him. To prove to Him that I still have some use in the household. I quickly unzip His pants and lower them down around His ankles. I gently hold His dick in my hand and focus all of my attention on aiming His cock into the bowl without putting too much pressure on it, the way He has taught me. My face is a picture of determined concentration. I know that a single drop spilled could lead to a severe beating. First, a trickle comes out, and then a stream. From my position on the floor- my face right at level with His cock- I smell the strong and pungent odor emanating from the stream. My hand senses the warmth of the piss as it flows through Him. The only thought I seem capable of is being grateful that He chose to piss in the toilet instead of my mouth. He eventually finishes with a few final spurts and pats me on the head. “Now clean off the tip, bitch.” I comply and gently suckle the remaining drops of piss off the head of His dick. They are warm and sickly sweet. As a reward, He throws a $20 in my face. I rush to grab it up and stuff it in my pocket- thankful that I am finally making progress towards paying for the meal. My gratitude is shortlived, however, because He grabs me up and then shoves me towards the front door again. “Alright you fat whore, I’m done with you. Get the fuck out of here, I don’t ever want to see your stupid face again bitch.”

“Oh god, no! No, please no, Sir. I need You, please. I’ll do anything. I swear I can still be worthwhile, Sir. I can do Your chores, I can suck Your cock, I can be useful as a sack for cum- please, please.”

He waved another $20 in front of my face. “Fine, cunt. You better do an extra-fucking-ordinary job of sucking my cock and balls, and maybe, MAYBE- I’ll consider giving you this $20 and letting you stay.”

“Oh god thank You, Sir, thank You.” I sunk to my knees and kissed His hands reverently.

He snatched up a handful of my hair and used it to drag me over to the side of the bed, then sat down and dropped His pants. There were no tentative licks or hesitant suckings- I dove into the job with feverish enthusiasm, desperate to please Him. I bobbed my head up and down on His cock and was happy to feel His hands close behind my head and hold it still while He started fucking my throat. My throat had been sore the past few days, perhaps a cold, or strep, and His cock ramming against the back of it repeatedly felt like punching a bruise over and over- but I dared not complain. Gagging and gurgling was all that could be heard for a few moments- then He spoke- “I hope you know, that from now on this is the only way you’re going to make money. I’m going to start pimping you out after you learn how to properly use your holes. This worthless piece of shit body is my property, and it’s going to start making me some cash. Consider this practice on how to be a fucking whore that sucks dick for money.”

Tears started to form at the corners of my eyes again- I knew I was helpless to save myself from this inevitable degradation. But I was still intent on pleasing Him. My jaw ached, however, and His ceaseless face-fucking was rubbing my tender throat raw. “Please, Sir, please please can I lick Your ass? I want to taste You so badly.”

“Fuck, you’re a stupid slut! Fine. Go ahead, bitch. Disgrace yourself.”

Feeling real gratitude, I eagerly started lapping at His asshole- sticking my tongue deep up inside and sucking all around the rim. My face was buried in His hair, sweat, and scent. Admist all my slurping, His barrage of insults played in the background like a theme song. However, instead of listening to His stinging words and losing myself in a haze of humiliation and worthlessness, I tried to focus on making Him cum. My efforts were rewarded when He pulled back and commanded I open my mouth. I obeyed and He dumped His thick and viscous load down my throat.

THWACK! His hand flew across my face before I even had time to swallow. Then He grabbed me by my collar and shoved me onto the floor. I landed with an oomph and tried to brace myself for a further beating. Instead, He just looked at me with disgust and then spit onto my face and chest. “Here’s your other $20 you dumb whore.”  I caught the bill He threw at me and clutched it protectively to my chest. “Heh- look at you clinging onto it, how fucking pathetic.”

It was pathetic, but I knew I needed the money, and still more, to afford all the groceries I’d need to make Him a full meal. I didn’t even like to imagine what would befall me if I came up short. When it seemed like He was not going to hit me again, I scurried to the other side of the room and tucked the money into an envelope to save for Wednesday. Meanwhile, He dressed Himself, slinging insults and threats at me as He went. When He finished, He told me He was going to the store to get something to drink and that I better have His dinner prepared by the time He returned. He got into my face so close that I could feel His spittle on my cheeks as He spewed His next words at me- “Don’t fuck my food up, you stupid bitch, or I swear to GOD I will knock your fucking teeth down your throat!” He ground His fist into the side of my jaw to emphasize His point. I whimpered.

He left the room, and the last thing I heard while I slipped my finger in between my wet-slicked thighs was Him shouting as He walked out the door-

“I hope you’re ready to get pimped out, you stupid piece of shit, because that’s your life from now on.”

Please?

Just You and Your Hand

Midnight. An early hour for bed for some, a late hour for others. This night it seemed late, even if usually I went to sleep much later. I checked around to make sure all the lights were turned off and all my chores finished before heading into the bedroom. I strip down and get under the covers- pulling them up comfortably around my chin and switching off the lamp on my nightstand. Darkness takes hold and He steps into the room. I’m lucky enough to be permitted to sleep with Him- He climbs in next to me, our warm bodies touching under the moonlight. Suddenly, He turns and looks at me.

“Fuck, you’re stupid.” I gulp- unsure of where He is heading. He grabs my head ferociously and pulls it towards Him- sticking out His tongue and forcing me to suck on it. Then He shoves His hand over my face and pushes me away. “Get away from me you fat fuck, you disgust me.” I whimper, aroused and unsure of what to do. He turns away from me and begins jacking off. Unable to control myself, I end up humping futilely against His leg. He laughs and mocks me for being unable to control myself. The verbal abuse continues and I become more desperate. However, He has no intention of satisfying me.

Minutes dragged on, and eventually He pulled my face down to His cock and shoved my mouth over it. He kept His hands firmly in my hand and pistoned my head up and down over His dick. I obediently kept my mouth open and tried to keep from gagging as much as possible, despite the feeling of Him thrusting deep into my throat. After a few moments, He held my head down harshly as His cock began to quiver and shoot sperm into the back of my throat. I reflexively gagged and jerked, but He kept His grip on me firm until He was finished. When I was finally released, I pulled back and breathed in deep gasping breaths. However, I’d been used to having my mouth used as a cunt by this time, and I recovered quickly. I bent my head back down and docilely licked up the remaining cum off His cock.

My thighs were still slick with the wetness dripping down from my cunt when I finished, and I looked up at Him expectantly and hopefully. He glanced down at my upturned face and grunted. Then He rolled over away from me and passed out. Minutes passed as I stared at Him longingly, hoping He’d turn around or acknowledge me in some way- but no. He’d used me and discarded me. All that was left was to touch myself alone, in the dark.

Three Vignettes

Putting the B into BDSM

“Sir,” I started, hesitantly, “I’m feeling restless- would it be okay to lock me up for a bit?” All day I’d been a bit anxious and depressed, and the thought of having my movement restricted seemed like a comfort. I’m also not one for topping from the bottom, so if I ever have wants or desires- I merely ask as openly and honestly for them as possible, and He decides what He wants. This time, He looked at me and smirked. “Of course.”

Soon He was chaining and contorting my naked body. Legs were cuffed together and attached to a long chain that fixed me to the bedframe. Handcuffs holding my wrists tight behind my back, with another chain that connected them to my feet in a way that kept my body bowed. My collar was hooked up to a chain that slid between my thighs and cunt. After a bit, I was unable to tell what He was doing, and only realized that I was face down on the bed, and unable to move my body except to lightly rock my crotch against the chain. I struggled. Moments passed. Eventually, breathlessly, I surrendered- and laid calmly on the bed. I’d wanted this for comfort- but I suppose it was foolish for me to think He’d let it stop there.

Once I was helpless, He started in on the verbal abuse. I’m stupid, I’m fat, I’m worthless, no man will ever want me, He doesn’t care about me. A hundred variations on each theme. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes and I renewed my struggles at half-effort. Worse though, I started getting wet. “Look at you humping that chain you stupid cunt, you can’t help yourself, can you?” I whimpered and shook my head. Why try to deny it? He already knew how fucked in the head I was. He laughed. Then He picked up a clock from the nightstand and set it down inches from my face. He took the keys that could unlock me and set them on top of the clock. As my cunt began to ache for attention, I stared at the keys with an ever increasing longing. “I’ll be back at 8 to let you out. Until then,” He shrugged, “good luck trying to get off with that chain.”

He left the room and closed the door behind Him. I didn’t bother to beg Him to stay- I dared not risk being locked up for a longer period. At first I struggled wildly to free myself or reach the keys. I stretched out with my mouth, trying to grasp them with my teeth- but it was no use. Then I tried everything I could to maneuver my hand to be in a position that I could rub my clit. Again, no luck. Time passed by agonizingly slowly. Minutes? Hours? I became exhausted from my exertions, yet remained insatiably horny. I knew He was doing this to humiliate me, to make me realize what a slut I was and how utterly in control He was of my own sexual desires and release. Eventually, I gave up, and spent the remainder of time mewling and thrusting lightly against the chain for stimulation (any harder was just outright painful).

When the door opened, announcing His return, my eyes lit up as though it was Christmas Day. He saw my hopeful expression and laughed. “God, you look pathetic.” I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up. He slowly began to release me, one lock at a time. A widening wet mark had formed under my cunt during the time I’d been waiting. By the time He’d undone most of my chains, I was delirious with the need to orgasm. I began to beg and plead- knowing that I could not cum without His permission. For His part, He seemed unsatisfied. What could I do?- I’d ask. By that point, I was willing to bargain anything. He smiled.

Before I knew what was happening, He had His pants down and was holding me down on the bed. He sat on my face and forced my mouth to His asshole. I knew what He wanted. And began licking. Licking His ass was something I’d done before, and I was sure I’d have to do again- but something about doing it to bargain for your own orgasm was particularly degrading. I felt extremely out of control and that I was totally ruled by my own depraved and disgusting needs and desires. I felt powerless to control my own will. Suffocating with my face up His ass did nothing to lessen the degradation. I knew the fastest way to both be able to breathe, and get off, would be to help Him cum as quickly as possible. With that thought, I dove into the task with energy and enthusiasm. Pleasing Him became all that occupied my mind. Eventually I was rewarded when He turned and shoved His cock down my throat- shooting jets of sperm straight into my stomach.

“Now you can cum, bitch.” Thank god- thank god, thank god, thank god. Thank Him.

 

Deposit Fluids Here

“Please.. pleaarrghhh!” I sputter and try to breathe as His hands tighten around my neck. “God you’re fucking useless!” His grip loosens and He relents a bit, shaking His head. “Fine then, cunt, go sit in the chair, and I want your hands between your fat thighs on that twat!” I stumble as I try to dash over to the chair in front of His computer as quickly as possible. When I get there I almost fall over into the seat and then spread my legs. He stands over me and starts to play some videos on the computer. It’s porn, I soon realize. Well- if you consider videos of chicks getting pissed on by endless numbers of men porn. He holds me by the hair to keep my eyes on the monitor. I whimper a bit from the stinging pain on my scalp and the humiliation of realizing just how aroused I’m getting seeing dumb cunts like myself get mouthfuls of piss and smile.

“Don’t you fucking dare take your hand off that cunt!” He walks out of the room and into the kitchen. Part of me is tempted to avert my eyes, to spare some of my own dignity- but partially out of fear, and partially out of my own disgusting sense of arousal, my eyes stay glued to the images on the screen. I almost don’t notice when He returns holding a glass. “Look bitch, look,” He commands me. I turn to see Him jacking off into the glass- His cum spurting to the bottom and then landing and sticking on the sides, dripping slowly down. Fear grows quickly in my gut as I realize what’s about to happen. He almost always cums in me- He must have other plans. Soon my fears are confirmed- while forcing my eyes to stay on Him, and my hand in my twat- He starts to piss. Yellow liquid begins to pool at the bottom of the glass, then slowly builds up- raising its level by inches. Cum floats in the piss and streaks in trails downward. By this point I’m moaning in a mixture of terror and desire. I look into His face for a moment, and only see Him smirking back down at me. No hint of concern, or mercy. For good measure- He gargles and then spits into the cup. He slams the glass down on the desk in front of my face. For a moment, nothing is said, and only the sickening sounds of the piss whores (like me?) can be heard in the background.

“Drink it. Now.” He then forces the glass into my shaking hands. I have no intention of disobeying- but He sees my whimpering as hesitation. “I swear to fucking God, you cunt….” He pushes His fist into the side of my face until my eye begins to ache and bulge outward. Not intending to provoke anymore violence, I gulp down the concoction as fast as possible, my hands still shaking. The mixture is thick and pungent as it rolls down my throat. I feel myself reflexively gag, but concentrate enough to get it under control. He pats my head as He would a kitten that just learned to shit in its litter box. “Good little toilet. Now- cum.” As always, I obey.

 

Further Down the Path Toward Becoming a Hole

11:47 PM- After a hard day, I collapse onto the couch and curl up under the covers. Soon I drift off into a peaceful sleep, comfortable and warm.

1:29 AM- A loud sound awakens me. I turn to see Him advancing toward me with a determined look in His eyes. He’s fully clothed. I’m still groggy from being awoken from a dead sleep, and my mind is not yet able to form full thoughts. Yet when I see Him approach, I instinctively open my mouth.

He walks up to my side, unzips, and jacks off into my mouth. I swallow the cum, thank Him, and roll back over and fall almost immediately back to sleep. It’s 1:31 AM.

The Time I- Was Shown Off to His Friends

On one of my first visits to His home town, we went out to meet a few of His friends and get some drinks and hang out. Just the typical guy-introducing-His-girl-to-the-guys, or so I thought at the time. I had fun getting to meet them, and was told to be “friendly”. This entailed basically me being charming and a good conversationalist, but also some light flirting and sexual innuendo. I sincerely wanted His friends to like me- to see me as not only a good girlfriend, but a charming, intelligent, young woman. Things seemed to progress nicely, and as the night continued I felt an air of comraderie with the group. Then He had me invite them back to His place.

I knew what those instructions might mean, but I was hardly going to disobey. When He excused Himself to give us some privacy, I asked the guys if they’d like to come back to the room with us. Laughing, I’d touch them lightly on the arm, or flash a smile- to give a hint of what might be in store. (A hint was really all I had to go on, as well.) They exchanged glances and eagerly accepted the invitation. When He returned to the table, I told Him of their decision in nervous, broken clips of words. The bottom had dropped out of my stomach and I felt as though my heart was beating so hard and fast that it might crack through my ribs. It wasn’t a fear of any particular thing that made my breath quicken and my heart race- it was knowing that something was going to happen, but not knowing what it was. In any case, I had no choice.

We arrived back at His place all at about the same time. We led them back up to His apartment and He let us all in. Though some vodka had taken the edge off, my chest was still aching in anticipation. Whatever humiliation was going to be in store for me- it was nowhere near comparable to the anxiety I felt in those early minutes walking through the door. We all walked into the hallway and He looked me dead in the eye and said, “go undress down to your underwear and meet me in the living room.” All of the vibrancy and charm that had lit my face throughout the evening as I tried to win over His friends fell from my face immediately. I quickly and quietly headed towards His room to change with downcast eyes. Total submission flooded over my body, but I felt extreme shame for having His friends witness the transformation.

I quickly stripped down to a lacy bra and panties and then hesitated for a moment. I am not a modest person, I did not fear them seeing me undressed- but I knew that I was going to be walking into a situation in which I was going to suffer a new and public humiliation. This is what you want, I told myself, and besides, you have no choice. The truth of that second statement washed over me, and my shame, though still strong, was overriden by the realization of my position and my place. I took a deep breath, and stepped out of the room.

He was there, standing and joking with His friends and they relaxed on the couch. My cheeks grew flushed with embarassment immediately. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? My mind was racing in time with my heart. I glanced and caught the gaze of one of His friends. The guy’s mouth dropped open at the sight of me and he sat for a moment agape. My Master realized I’d entered the room and laughed at me, “What a dumb fucking slut.” He grabbed me roughly by the top of the arm and pulled me into the center of the room. Three black leather couches encircled a large coffee table. He stood me behind the table, in full view of His friends on the couches, and began ordering me to take some of my positions. (As part of His ownership and training, He has instructed me on several positions, a few of which are explicitly for display purposes.) I managed to transition through several of them with relative ease, but I didn’t dare let myself feel even of morsel of relief. Positioning was easy. It wasn’t showing off my body that was going to be so ego-shocking and degrading, it was going to be having these young men that I just met and wanted to impress and charm see me insulted and beaten and humiliated by a Man that I chose to be with. I kept swallowing nervously. He raised His hand.

THWACK! He smacked me for the first time in front of them. My cheek began to redden from the sting. I had been bracing myself for something like this, but it was still a shock. Then He began to beat me in earnest. THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! He beat my face in until I could no longer hold my position. Then He rained down elbows and fists while I scrambled to cover myself on the ground under His blows. He kicked me in the ribs as I whimpered in the fetal position. Normally, in these situations I would cry or beg Him to stop- but I knew there may be consequences for upsetting any of His friends so I held my composure as much as possible. Meanwhile, whether it was the alcohol or the adrenaline from beating a woman in front of His friends- I don’t know, but He was beating me harder than He ever had previously. I began to worry I wouldn’t be able to keep a calm face. Then He grabbed me up by the hair and held my face in front of Him. This whole time He’d been hurling insults and degrading remarks at me like daggers- and forcing me to admit disgusting and disgraceful activites I’d participated in- and now He continued His abuse directly in my face. He was red with rage and I felt spittle fly from His mouth onto my face. His friends cheered at the sight of a beautiful woman cowering at His feet- desperate and mewling. Then He decided to pass me around.

“Take off your bra you stupid fucking cunt.” I quickly complied. Then He grabbed my arms and twisted them behind my back- thrusting my bare chest forward. He passed me around to each of His friends, having them squeeze my tits and grope me. Some of them, emboldened by my clear arousal, begin to hit and spank me. One stuck his hand down my panties and began rubbing my clit. At this point, all I could do was moan and give in to their advances. He had crushed any resistance or dignity I had. It was too late. He had taken me out with them, let me show them my wit and intelligence, and then brought me back to destroy my self-esteem. To turn me into an object in their eyes. As I felt some young man’s hands down my twat that I’d only just met, I realized that these men would never respect me or view me with human dignity again and gave into the urges associated with that shame- humping back and forth against his hand.

My Master realized what was happening and grunted with amusement and satisfaction. He pulled me back by the hair and then dumped me onto the floor in front of the couches. “God, you really are a stupid fucking whore. Now show these guys what a worthless twat you are and shove your hand between your legs and make yourself cum.” He kicks me in the ribs. I whimper and hesitate- but only for a moment. I know there is no other choice, I don’t want to be beaten further, and most importantly- I’ve already accepted that His friends now view me as a piece of shit sexdoll. I touch myself.

Soon, I’ve given in completely and am moaning in earnest. He ordered me into an all-fours position and my body rocks back and forth as I disgrace myself in front of everyone. Vaguely, I am aware of their eyes on me. His friends stare wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the spectacle. My humiliation and its consequences replay over in my head as a video on loop. My hand in my crotch becomes slick and wet. My hips begin bucking wildly as I try to maintain the position. Eventually I can hold back no longer and beg desperately to be allowed to orgasm (as I always must- even though ordered to in this situation). He laughed. I felt myself so far down- I felt like a complete failure and disgrace as a woman. I felt as though I’d become a caricature of every disgusting throwback stereotype of the female sex. A piece of meat with three holes. Only three holes of any real use, that is. Time slowed as I contemplated these things and waited for His response. My mind considered my degradation as my body was writhing and my voice was begging for release. Finally it came. And I came. And God, I came.

Later I was allowed to dress and we said our goodbyes. We all agreed that we looked forward to seeing each other again. And it was true, even (especially) on my part. As He closed the door behind them, He turned to face me with a smirk on His face.

“Next time, slut,” He gripped me by the hair and whispered into my ear, and goosebumps broke out over my arms in anticipation, “I’ll make you suck their cocks.”

Wind Me Up and Let Me Go

In His efforts to help push me off down into the abyss, my Master has taken control over my life, and consequently, my decisions. Since I am to learn that I don’t deserve any respect, or have any rights- He doesn’t give me any. He wants my days to become more and more regimented- for me to have less and less decisions over even the smallest of details. Being far enough down the road of humiliation- I already cling to this abusive Man and readily accept His regulations. These instructions normally aren’t hard to follow (a stupid worthless cunt could hardly be expected to accomplish something difficult), but are degrading and take up a good portion of my time. They also reinforce the idea that He has about as much respect and consideration for me and my needs as a garbage can.

This morning, it wasn’t much different. I woke up sore and with my cunt swollen. I’d had severely bad cramps the past couple days and He’d taken me hard and repeatedly to remind me that He could do whatever He wanted with His property and that (perhaps even more importantly) He didn’t care how I felt or if He hurt me. He’d hold His body over me, pinning me down on the mattress with His body weight- His cock poised right over my tender opening. I’d wriggle underneath Him, mewling and begging Him not to hurt me, that I was sore and in pain. He’d just ignore me and thrust His full length into me and then pound me hard and fast until I gave up resistance and just laid underneath Him crying. The pain of His thrusts ripped and throbbed through my abdomen and I’d eventually just softly whimper as He used me like a doll. Eventually He’d cum and then leave me- leave me with that reminder. The reminder I still felt now this morning in my poor cunt.

I didn’t have much time to try and soothe the throbbing below before He came in and held me down with His hand around my throat. He made it  clear that He would be tightly controlling the time I had at home today and that any refusal on my part would simply be beaten out of me. Later that evening, I followed His commands. No hesitation, no questioning- my only thoughts focused on doing what I had been ordered to do and pleasing Him.

It began when I got in the shower. I had procrastinated a bit too long checking my email, and He calmly instructed that I better get in the shower within 5 minutes or He would knock my teeth down my throat. And that deep dark part of me believed Him. In 4 minutes, I was in the shower. Once inside, I focused almost all my thoughts on my subhumanity. I repeatedly imagined myself as a doll. At first, I had been thinking of skipping shaving to save time- but I realized that as a doll, I have to make my body as physically pleasing as possible to make men want to fuck me. So I shaved. And when I got out, I spent over an hour fixing my hair and makeup. There was a delicious perversion in putting so much effort into making myself physically appealing when I knew that the only thing that would happen was my own ruin and disgrace.

The next events happened in a daze of domestic servitude and subjugation-

• I brought Him my collar and asked Him to put in on me (I was naked for this, and all other parts of this post)
• I made the bed and straightened out the bedroom
• I came back to His feet and knelt, asking Him to inspect my work (as with any inspection- any flaw in my work would result in a severe beating)
• I cleaned the living room and the kitchen (this includes straightening up, doing the dishes, picking up plates and trash, taking care of the pets, etc.)
• I knelt at His feet again and asked Him to inspect my work
• I gathered up His laundry and started a new cycle
• I came and knelt at His feet and begged to be allowed to swallow His cum

At this point, I was desperate for His praise or affection. He makes a point of ignoring me and treating me like shit so that I begin to crave any morsel of approval. He grunted and stood up and let me suck His cock. Overwhelmed with gratitude I began to lick and suck His dick and balls and was glad to feel His hands take control of my head and Him begin to fuck my throat. As He got into the rhythm, He thrust faster and harder and hurled insults that I could hear through the squelching noises that my mouth made as I started choking and gagging. Eventually He turned and shoved my face into His ass. Excited by this- I enthusiastically licked Him and sucked at His hole and thanked Him repeatedly for allowing me the honor. He laughed mockingly, and some detached part of my mind registered the idea “He doesn’t care about you, He thinks you’re pathetic.” This of course only fueled my arousal and I began to lick Him again with a kind of sick and desperate hunger.

Abruptly, He pulled away from me and turned around- spraying His cum into my eye and all over my face and mouth. I choked on it a bit as some hit the back of my throat. Thinking the ordeal was over, my body automatically relaxed- only to be shocked back to alertness by a sharp smack across the face. And another. And another. He kept beating me until He knocked me over onto the ground. Then He ordered me to touch myself. Fuck. I was soaked at this point and greedily began fingering my cunt and praying He’d allow me an orgasm. I squirmed and moaned on the ground as He questioned me and made me admit my disgraces. I was desperate to cum. I pleaded, I begged, I bargained. Eventually He granted my request- and as I writhed on the ground in an orgasmic daze, I opened my eyes to see… a camera.

He had apparently videotaped the entire session. (Without consulting me obviously, because I have no rights and deserve no respect.) He forced me to watch it. I was disgusted with what I saw. My body was beautiful but- oh, god- the things I was doing and saying. And, perhaps worst of all- the look in my eyes. Glassy. Dull. Lights out, nobody’s home. I looked like a fucking puppet. A rag doll that He was using as a hole. Some mentally broken and beaten bitch that only wants the worst obscenities. I was disgusted with myself- and I was wet.

“I might post some of these videos on free porn sites,” He said nonchalantly, “or send them to your friends. Or family.” I nodded solemnly. There was no point in begging or pleading. I knew He would do what He wanted. He’d already posted naked, degrading, and easily identifiable photos of me around the internet, on some very well-traveled sites. “Now go make me my dinner, bitch, and bring it over to me,” He growled into my face- and placed His fist firmly against my cheekbone for emphasis, ”and you better hurry or god help me I’ll bust your fucking face in.” I hurried.

A Small Reprieve

Being ill has prevented too much physical abuse as of late. I can’t wait to feel better so that I can get the shit kicked out of me more heavily. I can see Him itching to really fuck me up, and I slightly fear that when the time does come, it will come hard. In the meantime, small doses of pain and using me as a cum recepticle have been sufficing. But it can only do so much.

I am a slut. I am a doll. I am whore. I don’t deserve respect. I don’t deserve dignity. I only deserve to be used.

A Revelation

Tonight, I couldn’t help myself and confessed to Him that I’d been fantasizing about something that I’d been firmly and vehemently against since time immemorial. (I had it listed as a zero on the 0-5 scale of the BDSM checklists out there- which means “I will not try under any fucking circumstances, no way, no how.”)

I told Him I wanted Him to cheat on me. Fuck other women. In front of me even. Humiliate me as much as possible. Make me put on the condom for Him to fuck her. Or have Him cum on, or in, her and have me lick or suck it off. Tell me how much better she is than me, how much more He likes her. What is wrong with me??? I’ve ALWAYS hated this idea and been against it. But recently, every time I think about it I get so so wet.

After I told Him, He humiliated and verbally abused me the rest of the night. He clearly had a few sick ideas of His own on the topic. Fuck, I am so fucked. At one point, I felt myself losing it and some shred of self-respect tried to reach out and pull me back from the edge. “Oh god no, help me.” I looked Him in the eyes, “no, no- please. Please. Save me! Oh, please save me.” He just laughed. He would do no such thing. He had no intention of pulling me back from the edge- only pushing me off.

Oh… I’m going down, down, down.

Two Short Snippets of Life at the Front

Garbage Pail

The TV blares out monotonous background noise as two characters on the screen get into a fight. My cat keeps meowing for food but I ignore her. I’m focused. Intent. What important subject holds my attention? Writing my blog entry, of course. My mind is lost in reliving the experience I am writing about- turning it over in my mind, seeing it, feeling it, tasting it. I haven’t been paying that much attention to Him. He’s seated across from me doing something on His computer. At the moment, I didn’t realize what. I was too lost in what I was doing. Later, it would come to me with sudden clarity that He had been jerking off. Watching porn. Just another time that it held His excitement and attention instead of me- I would think, feeling a shiver of disgust and delight run down my spine.

I kept typing- eyes staring intently at my screen, fingers moving on their own, and my mind far away. Far away, but about to be rudely jerked back into the present moment. Before I knew what was happening, He was across the room and next to me. I opened my mouth to try and question Him when He grabbed my the back of my head by my hair and jerked me forward. My eyes suddenly noticed His pants open and cock aimed straight towards my face. I reflexively gaped open my mouth and looked up at Him. “That’s right,” He sneered, “open up, bitch.” Jets of thick, wet cum start hitting the back of my throat and I try not to gag on it as more fills my mouth. Once my mouth has been fed to almost overflowing, He grunts contentedly and pulls back. I stay still with my mouth open and wait for instructs just in case. “Swallow, you dumb cunt.” I swallow. I’m rewarded with a hard open-palmed smack across my left cheek. A tear gathers in the corner of my eye. “Fuck… I’m done with you.” He walks away.

I go back to typing.

 

Breaking Down, Down, Down

My period came a day or so ago and He hadn’t been beating or fucking me as much as usual. Even though we still did things daily, I sensed His aggression growing. For my part, I had begun to feel myself slipping on the edges of my descent, and I was a bit frightened and content to take it slow at times. Not that that matters.

While I was trying to watch a movie, I asked if He could rub my side a bit because I was in pain (I get the worst cramps). He ended up crushing me into the couch, face down, smacking my bare ass repeatedly and shoving my hand between my legs. At this point in our relationship, I can put up absolutely zero resistance to Him, and He can play my body like a violin. I was soon thrusting my hips up into the empty air and begging Him to fuck me.

He dragged me into the bedroom and threw me down onto the bed. What happened next was not so different from many of our other innumerable sessions of fucking and degradation. I’m not sure I could even point to what happened that sent me over the edge. Perhaps it was because He fucked me so hard and so fast and so brutally. Perhaps it was because He threw me around the bed like a rag doll. All I know, is that somewhere before my first orgasm- I slipped off into some other mindspace which was only tenuously connected to reality. I began to feel very strongly that He didn’t give a fuck about me, and that unlike Him, I didn’t have any rights or respect. I didn’t deserve to be treated with anything resembling human dignity- I was just a piece of shit that deserved whatever abuse she got. My eyes turned black and were half-lidded. He mocked me for looking like such a fucked-out whore. “You look like some drug addict that just took a shot of heroin- except your drug is abuse.” He laughed. He kept fucking me. After that I slipped even farther away. He knew it- He knew I was losing it and He keeps treating me like shit- I kept thinking to myself. He really couldn’t care less about me.

My body bounced around as He moved me and continued to fuck me. I’d given up all resistance. I wasn’t sure of my own name at that point. “I’m not a human, I’m a doll… I’m a doll…” I began mumbling out loud. During many of our sessions, I will verbally degrade myself using some of the worst vocabulary known to mankind. But this was different. I wasn’t degrading myself- I was coming to some sort of deranged realization. He seemed so real. Angry on top of me, fucking me, so full of rage. But I wasn’t real. I was far away, and I was just getting used. Later on, I would wonder how I slipped so far, so quickly, and without that much abuse. All I can guess is that the cumulative effect is starting to wear on me. Weaken my defenses. Make me vulnerable.

He kept fucking me and beating me. I lay completely limp and yielding under Him. Eventually He sneered at me- “this is what I think of you, you worthless cunt”- and pulled out and jacked off all over me. Unblinking, unmoving, I laid there and accepted it. He got up and got dressed. Vaguely I was aware that some part of me was trying to break through my veil of acceptance and apathy and pull myself together- but I just laid still. He came back over to me, smirking. “God, you’re such a piece of shit. I really don’t give a fuck about you.” My glazed-over eyes welled up. The walls broke down, down, down. I started crying.